Japanese Tea Garden, Bukit Tinggi

You let me violate you
You let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you
You let me complicate you

(Help me...)
I broke apart my insides
(Help me...)
I've got no soul to sell
(Help me...)
The only thing that works for me
Help me get away from myself,

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God

You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything

(Help me...)
You tear down my reason
(Help me...)
It's your sex I can smell
(Help me...)
You make me perfect
Help me become somebody else

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God

Through every forest
Above the trees
Within my stomach
Scraped off my knees
I drink the honey, inside your hive...
You are the reason I stay alive...
- Nine Inch Nails, "Closer"

(Post title is where I took these photos. I had my camera bare inches away from the mating dragonflies. Something that I think is really cool about animals is that they're so intensely into whatever they're doing.)

Nine Inch Nails was about the only thing that Steve and EK both agreed on when I was dating EK and Steve was chasing me...

Babies are scary

I just found out that another couple of my bible study "kaki-lang" (as Mum would say) are pregnant. They actually knew before the first pair announced it about a month ago but they were keeping quiet so as not to steal their thunder =)

So I'm rather bemused by the explosion of friends who are reproducing this year. The first ones were Tim and Magda who had Kirana in April. She's quite enormous now...I wish they weren't in California! Even my Form Five class monitor from MGSS Melaka recently had a daughter - actually she looked kind of "tomboy" in school but I saw her wedding photos on FB and she looks so pretty and feminine. Another friend I know who's a bit older is trying to have a baby with his wife by artificial reproductive technology so I've got my fingers crossed for them (not tagged in this note).

I guess that's part of growing up: when you see people in your generation starting to have their own children, you realize you REALLY can't call yourself "a kid" or "just a student" any more even if you're still in school, not married, and don't have your own house. I don't mind growing up.

I'm very happy for all of them but the idea of doing it personally...I won't say "disgusts" or "horrifies" me but I really don't ever want to have a baby. I'm not averse to the idea of having children per se, but not children of my own body. It's a finely tuned machine and I hate the idea of having it not running normally for 9+ months, all the nausea, weight, funny movements, limited activities, etc. Also, I work in a lab with viruses and many potentially teratogenic chemicals.

I would rather go and sterilize myself before getting married (or better yet, make my fiance go).

I told Steve, if we stay together and if he wants kids, we would have to adopt. Maybe we can get an Indian baby and confuse everybody...

Hope nobody is offended by these thoughts. Like I said, I'm happy for all of you and enjoying seeing the cute babies (and looking forward to seeing the ones that are still in utero, I just don't want to do it myself. I know at least one other girl who feels this way (Magda: hint: she's another one of your friends also) so I'm not completely weird.

Personals II

This is more funny stuff from the personals section in the local weekly paper. Actually what's really funny is the juxtaposition of these two, they were next to each other:

TAKE A CHANCE...WM, 27, seeks good hearted, open minded Asian F, 18-35, for all the fun Madtown has to offer.

Actually that's the first yellow fever ad I've seen, which is a bit odd given the virtual epidemic of Asian girl/white guy couples around town, including me and Steven. But in the next column was this one:

SENSITIVE SLOW HANDS SWM, 53, fit, active skinhead...

The funniest possible scenario would be if the yellow fever twenty-something turned out to be the skinhead's son, going over to the dark side. Dark side! Geddit? Geddit? *runs away*

Bleep you like an animal

This is super funny. Apparently you can make female mice think they're males and try to hump everything in sight by removing their vomeronasal organs (either by genetic knockout or surgically).

Poor black mouse, the girl-on-top position doesn't work so well when you have four legs.

So sexual behaviour in mice is hardwired, but you can flip the switch:

Dulac thinks it makes total sense: "Instead of building a male brain and then a female brain, you build a mouse brain, and then there's a sensory switch that makes sure that the animal behaves appropriately according to its gender."

Let's not jump to any conclusions about the mutability or lack thereof of human gender, though:

It isn't clear how these findings might translate to other species. Many researchers think that the human vomeronasal organ is defunct, and the human TRPC2 gene is functionless.

"Different species use different sensory strategies to understand the world," says Dulac. She notes that whereas rodents use pheromones as an important trigger for sexual behaviour, primates and humans are more visual creatures.

Personals

I like reading the personals section in the Isthmus - it's a local Madison newspaper which is free and supported by advertising, like theSun in Malaysia, so they have more weird stuff than a normal paper. Sometimes it's to fantasize, sometimes it's to go "awwww" over the stories people post in the "I Saw You" section, and sometimes it's just to scratch my head and go "Whaaaaaaat?" :

Common Interests
I BELIEVE IN TRADITIONAL gender roles. I oppose modern immigration to the US, mainly because it threatens America's identity. I believe in preserving the traditional distinction between town & country, oppose automobile-related development, would like to see the return of passenger trains, & feel all retail should be in the center of a town. I am a vegetarian, mainly because I think animals have feelings, like people. If you share all these beliefs, feel free to contact me.

Wait...so you're a stick-in-the-mud conservative AND a hippy vegetarian? And you only want to meet people who share ALL these beliefs? Good luck, fusspot.

Here's another really strange one, although I have more sympathy for this fellow. Italics mine:

Men Seek Women
GOOD GUY NEARING RETIREMENT Seeks companion, possible LTR. Illiterate, enjoys country music, TV, movies. Lives in Fort Atkinson. Letters Only.

Perfectly sensible explanations emerge if you think about it for a minute, but it's pretty funny at first blush.

I Saw You
SAW U BARTENDING at THE OLD FASHIONED Mon 1/21. sat at end of bar, w/friend, ordered fat squirrels. Have seen u before, u seem interested.

This one I thought was completely disgusting until I remembered that "Fat Squirrel" is a beer from the New Glarus Brewing Company. Capitalise, people!

Really, if I somehow managed to abandon all morals and sanity, this is the one I'd reply to:

Multiple Partners
ATTR LATE 30'S PROF COUPLE Seeks attr SF for spoiling, 5 star travel, fine dining & hot erotic play. Prefer NS, height/weight prop.

Oh wait...I'm probably not "attr" enough to please them anyway.