Liang Hui Fang, d. 2008

My other grandmother was cremated today. She passed away on the 13th, after having been in and out of the hospital for a week due to respiratory problems.

Maybe I'm a bad person but I don't feel sad about her...first because I never was emotionally close to either grandmother, second because she had a relatively long and healthy life (except for Alzheimer's in the last decade). I don't support human euthanasia, but when you're that old and not in shape to enjoy life any more...leaving it's not bad.

It's for my father, aunties, and uncles whom I'm sad for. Especially for my dad's youngest sister, who's single and lived with her mother for decades. (wonder...if i was her would i feel desolate or relieved? am i a horrible person for even thinking that?) This can't be easy on my mum either, as she just lost her own mother in December.

You see, we're not sentimental people. When I got the email from my aunt I called my mum's handphone, since my dad was doing the driving from to KL from Penang.
"How's Pa?" I asked my mother.
"Pa's okay, he's not crying unless you ask him to talk about Maa Maa."

Later when they got to PJ I called my dad's handphone again.
"So how's everybody now?"
"We're all right...I think the only two people who are crying are Tini [the maid who was hired to take care of my grandmother] and your sister [my second sis, who tends to be more emotional]."

So the funeral was today and I haven't heard a report yet since I forgot to call in the morning. My first sister and my brother came up from school on the weekend and took the midnight bus back to Singapore after.

But, oh god,
Under the weight of life,
Things seem brighter on the other side...
Lighter on the other side...

- Dave Matthews Band, "Big Eyed Fish"

Waiting

So...waiting for final election results. BN lost its 2/3 majority so they can't screw around with the Constitution any more. w00t!

Also, waiting for somebody to go...last week my aunty wrote an email saying that it looked like my father's mother was about to pass away (mum's mother went in December). Since then, the family members have been visiting her, making preparations, et cetera.

I just got an email with what's essentially the brief minutes of a family meeting wherein is outlined the plans for her funeral. It seems very odd to me...there haven't been many deaths in the family in my lifetime, so I always think of funerals as events hastily organized, under emergency circumstances.

I'm young and I feel, to use a cliche, immortal... It seems weird to think that death can appproach so slowly you can see it from a long way off.

Lim Beng Choo, d. 2007

I got a new handsfree (the cheapest wired one possible; you think I so poser wanna get Bluetooth pulak?) for my SE T610 phone on Tuesday and it was a good thing because yesterday night I ended up spending an awful lot of time on the phone and my ear would have hurt without it.

My college friend (and first ex) SD called unexpectedly and we spent the better part of an hour chatting while I played with my cat using a laser pointer and a feather stick. She loves the handsfree too since she's never gotten so much attention at one time.

As we were ending the call the "new message" alarm beeped. It's a very good thing that Einstein Wireless also finally got my voicemail routing problem fixed, since the rather garbled and tearful message was from my sis saying that "Papa just emailed...Ah Mah passed away..."

So I called her back and spent some time talking to and praying with her on the phone. None of us were ever close to Ah Mah - as my dad later observed, "you'll probably miss Ah Gong more", but poor thing was pretty upset.

Nobody really expected this; even though my mother's mother has been in the late stages of Alzheimer's Disease for a long time, she was in relative physical health as far as anyone knew. My mum was feeding her lunch and she just stopped eating and went still.

My dad's job is transferring him to Penang right after New Year's; part of the reason for the transfer was supposed to be so that my mum could be close to her parents instead of having to take a six-hour bus ride every two weeks. They're still moving, but things have changed. Ah Gong's still more than capable of taking care of himself, but now that his wife is gone maybe it'll be good to have another daughter around...I hope. He's a tough old man, still rides his motorbike to market.

There's going to be a small funeral tomorrow. It'll be non-religious; Ah Mah was Buddhist but hadn't practised for years, and the family is all over the place including my Muslim aunty and her family.

My London aunty and my Los Angeles aunty were supposed to go back to Penang next week and the week after respectively; as far gone into senility as Ah Mah was, I think it must still be a shock to be coming back to a grave instead of a living mother.

I called my Los Angeles aunty later since she's my only other Chang relative in the USA. She sounded sorrowful but calm as she said, "I miss the Ah Mah we had when I was young."

---

My father's mother also has severe Alzheimer's Disease. Above anything else I dread one day saying to a daughter or a niece, "I miss the Ma we had when I was young," or worse, "I miss the Pa we had when I was young." If it ever comes to that God grant us the grace to bear it.

Like Paul Atreides

Apparently my death will be by Disappearing:

You scored as Disappear. Your death will be by disappearing, probably a camping trip gone wrong or an evening hike you never returned from. Always remeber that one guy who was hiking alone and got in a rock slide. He could have died, but he cut his own hand off to save himself. Don't end up like him (or worse, dead). Disappear 87% Bomb 73% Natural Causes 73% Accident 60% Poison 53% Suicide 47% Cut Throat 40% Eaten 40% Disease 40% Drowning 40% Stabbed 33% Suffocated 27% Gunshot 20% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com

From my kid sister's blog.

Oh, and aren't you wondering why the probabilities don't add up to 100%? Even if you delete the ones that could overlap (e.g. Gunshot, Stabbed, Poison, Suffocated, and Drowning could be under Accident, all of those plus Cut Throat could be under Suicide, etc.) I mean, probability of dying can't be > 1...