Silly Shakespeare stuff

My second sis FlowerMoonFish went on a trip to the UK with her college literature classmates and lecturers a couple of months ago and came back with some horrible jokes, such as the following:

Q: Who was the first Singaporean in Shakespeare?
A: Enobarbus, because he says "Is it? Is it?"

Q: What are the two names of the king of Scotland?
A: "Duncan" and "Mark", because they say "Mark, Mark, King of Scotland."
(NB: I checked Gutenberg.org and the closest thing was "Marke, king of Scotland, marke," but I was still LMAO all day.)

More silly stuff I ran into when digging through my old writings. The following was written during a Bahasa Melayu period when we were working through a Pemahaman Prosa Klasik (Classical Prose Comprehension) and I thought it would be funny to translate it in script form:

Scene 1:
Sri Bentara: Come, sirrah, and tell me truly: Can you draw the dagger that hangs from yon Admiral's belt?

Penjurit: My lord, my heart says yea, it cannot be out of my reach. I'll as soon shave his head, an my lord wishes it. The deed is naught, I'll swear on't.

Sri Bentara: Then haste, and summon the Admiral.


Scene 2:
Sri Bentara: Good health, my lord Admiral! Take your seat by my side, and I'll lend my ears to a tale of some worthy knight.

Laksamana: Why then, the tale of Megat Terengganu is ripe for the telling; it doth lift the heart and bolden the spirit.

(blah blah blah)

Penjurit: (to himself) What better time than now, to strike whilst the iron's hot? An I stake my honor, I'll win it back tenfold.

(sneaks up and pries out the magic keris)

Scene 3:
Laksamana: (looks for his keris) What's this? 'Pon my word, the magic dagger is gone! This cannot be chance; the blade is faithful, yet the sheath hangs empty. Yonder raja may have sent some footman, some crawling lackey, to slip it from my belt while I sat at his feet. Out upon them, curse them! Well, I shall not be idle while they play me for a fool. Ha, I'll use my art; they'll pay in kind for their ill-crossed purchase.

And this one was written during an English period in high school in America; we were doing The Merchant of Venice.

The quality of mercy is not strained.
Only tea is strained
If one makes it with tea leaves
It is nice brewed:
You microwave it to heat the water
Then let it sit for five minutes.
It is tastiest in a big mug.
It becomes the English monarch better than Guiness Stout.
Its amber colour shows the taste of herbal nectar
The attribute to wide popularity
Wherefrom doth come the profits of Boh Sdn. Bhd.
But tea is above this silly merchandising.
It is enthroned in the guts of kings
It is big tribute to China itself
And afternoon snacks doth then become nearly formal
When tea follows cookies.
Therefore, K.L.,
Though cappucino be thy plea, consider this:
That without tea none of us should marry properly.
I have rambled thus much to mitigate the boredom of this English test,
In which, if much follows, I'll need a Coke to stay awake.